Thirty-two

What do I know about life now, after thirty-two years?

I know that I am loved. Unconditionally accepted. That there is nothing I can do to make my Papa God love me more or less. He loves me because I am His. And He has never been disappointed in me. He treasures me. And His dreams for me are bigger than what I have been able to comprehend.

I know that our lives are all about love. They are all about relationship; about relating to God, others and ourselves. I know that if I don’t have love, I have nothing. Every moment, every heartbeat, every act of sacrifice, every smile, every eye gaze that I pour into another human being out of the overflow of His love for me; shall last for eternity. And surprisingly, a lot of other things I spend time on won’t.

I know that we are born into family and we also create family. I am constantly astounded by the incredible people I have been given the chance to walk this journey of life with. I am so thankful for every person who has known to love me through unanswerable questions. Every person who has accepted me where I’m at and still hoped for better and better for me. Every person who has seen beyond my mistakes, my doubts and my fears and found the gold at my core. God blessed me with many people who knew who I could become when I was too young, too shy, and too afraid to hope. I am proud to be living into your vision for me now. And it’s only the beginning.

I know that I am truly significant, incredibly important and needed for this time in eternity. That’s why the master Artist created me! Living every day in his Presence constantly brings me to new levels of wonder at who He is.. It also brings me new understanding of his masterpieces – myself and others. I am proud to be me. And I can’t wait for the rest of my life – seeking to bring love encounters to each person I am privileged to walk beside whether for a few moments or decades. I will be remembered because His presence is unforgettable and it is expressed uniquely through me. What an incredible gift.

I have learned that picking a good man is one of the hardest things in the world, that you can trust God when He tells you ‘this is the one”, and that a good man only gets better with time. David has been more faithful, loyal and kind that I could have hoped. He keeps choosing to grow and change and learn with me on my journey and bring me with him too on his own personal journey of growth. So we get to grow together – and it’s amazingly sweet to do. I love being married to a kindred spirit. We both live in the realm of inspired thought – arists and inventors each of us in our own ways. And crazily and beautifully we are those friends who constantly inspire each other. We have the most amazing conversations. And we never run out of things to talk about. It helps that we really really love each other too.

I have learned that my children are not really mine. They are His. More wonderful masterpieces for me to nurture, steward, care for through a lifetime of changing seasons and love. I have learned that my children will never really grow up out of my Mama love. In that way they are mine forever to affirm and to teach and to hug and to tenderly care for in the ways a mother knows best. I do not need to fear the growing up, the changing, the independence. I do not need to fear the dangers of all the adventures their destinies will take them on. We parent them together, God and us two. And His goodness is manifest in their lives and will be. They are His. He is mine. We are blessed to be family. And I can trust fully that He really loves them more than I do.

I have learned that the world is a magnificent place. And that reality is so much more than what most of us see most of the time. I have learned that wonder and curiousity, learning and growing are a lifetime pursuit. I am free to take delight rather than be bound by duty. My duty is delight. I have learned that joy is the language of heaven. I have learned that creativity is boundless. That He has so much yet to do in this world and we His body get to bring it to pass with Him. I have learned that He’s in no rush – so I don’t need to be either. He’s the Savior and I am His friend and partner. I will change the world, yes. But today He is changing me. And since this is exactly where He wants me to be, no place in the world could be better.

Thirty-two years. What a joy to know I am still just beginning – eternity lies before me. Filled with gratitude – I choose a lifestyle of praise.

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