Overcome

This week was the anniversary of our leaving our home in Bundibugyo. The anniversary of the day we cried and we hugged and we trusted and we shifted and we carried memories and left so much behind. The day when our season of call to an amazing, beautiful, dangerous place ended. It’s the day we left so many seeds planted; with the belief that there are orchards growing up in the jungle which are ours and His. As I wrote that day . . . . .

“Tomorrow giraffes on the savannah will revive us with their beauty and my heart will continue it’s sing-song tension between the joy of the moment and the sadness of it all slipping away. And so many more times I will choose trust over control, faith over fear, love over longing. HE knows our hearts best. HE knows the way. And it’s not just good for others or for his bigger plan, it’s good for us too.” from CalledtoUganda

It was. And He did. He knew the way. Carrying us to this place; a place of healing and hope and renewal. A place where we have found life and love and the truest deepest desires of our hearts more apparent. A place where we have found Him. Where we have grown in our experience of His Presence, His love and His faithfulness. We have met with our God here and it’s been so good.

And God is still at work. Still healing. He is taking us back to long before Uganda ever began for us. He is healing the deepest places and the deepest things. These Hillsong lyrics speak to my heart. I used to cry each time I heard this song. Now I shout! I jump, I sing, I speak it out over the people and places I love that still need to Overcome. And I believe it. I know it is true. He will overcome and because of Him we will too. We won’t simply survive, or move on. We will Overcome.

All our troubles all our tears
God our hope, He has Overcome!
All our failures and all our fears
God our love, He has Overcome!
All our heartache and all our pain
God our healer, He has OVERCOME
All our burdens and all our shame
God all our freedom, He has OVERCOME!

I carried all of these things home from Uganda. I carried troubles and tears, failures and fears, heartaches and pain, burdens and yes, shame.

And He has Overcome. In my heart. In the world. In relationships. He, the great Overcomer, has passed that power on to us. And it changes everything.

Today our dreams live. Dreams we never knew we had. Dreams we would have been afraid of in the past.

All of life is ahead. And yet with all that glorious future in our sight we must still choose, daily, to trust.

It’s still not easy but it’s Oh. So. Good.

Remembering our leaving today. And thankful.

Overcome actually. And these tears are tears of joy.

Posted in Africa, Bundibugyo, Trusting Jesus | 1 Comment

Bibliophilia

We love books. In fact our favorite part of living in America rather than the African bush is probably the library. I know. Sad. Hermits. Antisocial. HOMESCHOOLERS. :) But really, books are incredibly windows to the world. Portals to the imaginary worlds of others. Windows to social, political and economic ideas we’ve not yet known to think about. When we go to the library, we spend almost an hour perusing shelves madly. You might see me breathing heavily as I stack more and more books onto the little library table. Yes we are THOSE people.

When we reach home it’s just like my childhood library days. Books strewn over the living room as we retreat into hours of reading together and alone. We punctuate excited silences with exclamations over new findings in our individual books. Our next meal is usually a “reading” meal where books are brought to the table in lieu of conversations. New synapses fire between neurons in our brains and we almost-visibly expand with discoveries.

So what do we read? Here’s a few excerpts from our current stacks:

Ghost in the Wires is the memoir of the world’s most wanted hacker . . . . a guy who started back in the days before there were computer monitors. I found this on the “new books” shelving and snatched it up for David/Quinn/Me – it has surprisingly become our new read a loud. I found the prologue so interesting I shared it at the lunch table and suddenly we were all reading the book together. A fascinating and enthralling story of social engineering, intelligence and a misused gift redeemed. We have to edit out all the curse words and sex references as we read it to the kids but the story makes it worthwhile . . . .

I was shocked to find a book about the Louisianna Purchase on the graphic novels shelf. For several years now I’ve felt secretly embarrassed that my now nine year old shies away from novels and prefers cartoons. I have thought he wouldn’t be a “REAL” reader until he was immersed in the full length stories his sister devours. But after studying his learning style (right brained kinesthetic) and finding that his love of encyclopedias and comics likely has everything to do with his brain formation and little to do with his discipline or intelligence, I have embraced his style. Now instead of steering him away from the manga and towards the Hardy Boys chapter books I am joining him in the comic section and looking for books too. This led me to my discovery of the history book above which fits in exactly with what we are learning right now at home and with his interests. Yay!

My current read is Nomad, From Islam to America, a Personal Journey through the Clash of Civilizations.
I was originally drawn to the name, then slightly interested in the sub-title. The book has turned out to be so much better than I expected. A treatise on Islam by a Somalian woman now living in the States but once involved in the political scene in Holland. She shares, movingly, the plight of Islamic women both abroad and here in the western world. She argues vociferously that we should respect islamic culture less and advocate for their women more. She is one of the only people in the world who can speak so boldly, so broadly and so authoritatively and empathicaly on this issue. She does it beautifully. She is also an atheist. As I read I find my spirit once again drawn to Somalia, to Africa, and to M—–s. I understand so much and yet so little of what she writes. She makes me think, dream and imagine. She is not constrained by the limitations of our current society. She is a voice for good. I can’t wait to see the one true God get a hold of her heart, and I pray as I read for her to have encounters with Jesus in the night.

A coffee table book, Time’s 100 greatest places, has allowed us to travel a little this week too. As we pore over the pages we eagerly spot places we have been and others we long to go to. We connect things we have read or heard about in school or conversations or on movies with the actual photos and once again we make more connections in our brains. The beauty of this book is truly good and it has made us better people. I don’t know how to describe the way a book such as this drives us to interceed for the world and to imagine our place in changing it for the Kingdom. We live one piece lives, or seek to, and books make it even easier. Yes, in this family: We. Love. Books.

Posted in Dreaming, Family, Learning, Purposeful Living, things I love | Leave a comment

Creativity through make up

For Christmas I bought her a set of one hundred and forty four eye shadow colors. She is eleven and a half. This is unusual because not only do I want her to stay a kid as long as possible; I don’t even wear much make up.

But I recognize that my daughter is an artist. A visual learner, she is stimulated and engaged by color, pattern and beauty. But she doesn’t draw or paint much. Instead each day she uses herself as a canvas . . . . often dressing in unusual and interesting combinations that draw admiration from her classmates, friends and even strangers. What that girl does with a scarf would amaze you! (Even if it is usually MY scarf.) :)

And so I bought her the set. Bought it beyond my concern of toxic chemicals because I couldn’t find any beautiful natural make up in lots of colors. Bought it beyond my dislike of all things grown up for this age set. I bought it because it falls right into my usual strategy – buy creative, imaginative play things which are outside of age, era or consumer interest; and watch my kids do amazing things.

The eye shadow has not disappointed me. That flat plastic palette of one hundred and forty four rainbow colors and shimmering neutrals is used daily and twice daily by my young artist. She arrives downstairs, appointed not garishly but creatively and artistically and often surprisingly; once again doing with color and pattern what others never think of.

She is an artist. And I can choose not just to get out of her way, but to show her the way forward into more explorations of beauty. I can let go of fear, preconceptions and others opinions. I can be her mom which is what God designed me for.

No rules, parents. Just RIGHT for you YOUR child.

Parenting with grace – it’s really, really good.

Posted in Beauty, Family, Purposeful Living | 2 Comments

Happy Birthday David!

Da-Da (day-day), also known as Beloved, Bunny-luv and Daddy turned 50 on October 30. We actually gave him candles saying 05 on his cake since David would be much more easily recognized as a five year old than a fifty year old most days. I love his childlikeness. We feel convinced that his jubilee year, begun last birthday, is not really ending. Its jubilee season from here on out. The last year of redemption and restoration has been truly incredible and we look forward to so much more.

We celebrated his special day with a small garage party, inviting a few significant friends from different parts of our Redding lives – the ones we thought were supposed to be there. Paul, our new neighbor, played live music for us. His guitar and mandolin playing in our little town home courtyard adds beauty to our days, especially the celtic tunes, a love he shares with David. We commissioned our friend Mary Esther to come and paint for us during the party. Each of us was included as she painted with and for us, partnering with heaven and the Holy Spirit to bless us through art. We ate soup (split pea with bacon, broccoli cheese, and chicken noodle) and bread and chatted and laughed and painted and blessed and celebrated community and David. Jeanne made an amazing carrot cake served with pumpkin ice cream that topped off the whole thing marvelously.

So who is David now? My constantly changing man continues to surprise and challenge me. These days he is on a self-guided economics course . . . . .every day new books appear around the house as he reads voraciously through anything and everything he can find on that topic. He is becoming so much freer in the area of money and is tremendously curious about the connections between our faith and our resources. Multiple income streams are appearing in our lives as David grows in diversifying our investments and taking a more hands on approach to our long term savings as well as our giving. I have always been blessed by Davids financial provision for our family. Now I feel a kind of awe as I watch him dive into this new level of knowledge and understanding and stewardship. We are called to lives of generosity and legacy and this is all a part of that calling.

You can find David on a bike most days. His high-end wheels, provided by God last year, have served him well. He has learned a lot about bike mechanics as he has enjoyed tuning and fixing his transportation. He rides for fun and exercise and often works in errands for me, like grocery shopping at Trader Joes, while out and about in our small town. His two courier bags have carried everything from donuts to hardware as he treks! He also loves to get out into the beauty. With his bike and his iphone GPS, David maps out new routes and especially loves to follow the Sacramento River Trail up towards the Keswick Dam. Along that trail his special bench awaits him and he takes time to sit, drink in the beauty, think, talk with God and read. Solitary time is still one of Davids favorite things.

David and Quinn spend a few hours together each day homeschooling, an amazing privilege during this season of incubation and growth for us as a family. Davids birthday gift this year was a mindstorm robotic lego kit, something he has coveted for many years! He and Quinn spend hours each week building and programming together, playing foosball (another gift, a used table, restoration of the university years!), talking about science and history and exploring math concepts. Davids time with Quinn allows him to explore some of his favorite things with one of his favorite people; cute, cuddly and curious Quinn. Since they both share touch as a love language, they get to fill up their tanks while studying through such novel subjects as cuddle math!

I see David reaching out towards people in new ways. Whether it be praying for someones healing, speaking words of hope and life over a homeless person, engaging with Naomi in one of her pre-teen moments, or calling across the miles to make contact with an old friend; David is finding new resources within himself to bless others. I love watching him invest in the men around him, our children, and of course knowledge-seekers. David has become bolder, quicker to speak and act, more ready to trust his instincts. He has become more himself.

David has also been reinvesting in education in new ways. Using his administrative gifts alongside his newly found partnership with Holy Spirit, David has worked with our local christian school on innovative ideas in the areas of planning, dreaming and organizing. As usual, David earns instant respect in the professional world as he interacts with others to solve problems and engineer solutions. We discovered Ken Robinson this year and David has enjoyed reading and thinking about education in the modern and developing worlds. We spend time dreaming and brainstorming global shifts in education and ways to help African students compete.

David continues to learn about anything and everything around him, modeling to both me and the kids, what true curiosity looks like. National Public Radio fills our kitchen as he cooks breakfast most mornings and each night he shares daily news around the dinner table. He is learning to cook and has successfully tackled bread making, soup making and is about to start on pizza! The kids view David as a sort of walking encyclopedia whose knowledge is unfailing and ever-true. If I dont have an immediate answer to any of their questions about life or the world they run to Daddy. I am trying to teach them about perspective and the different perspectives different kind of intelligences bring. :) But I have to admit I too ask him for lessons on history, politics, computing and science from David in the course of my weeks as needed! He sure is handy to have around!

I admire David deeply, and I have come to admire him more than ever in the last few years. In a world where a mans identity is typically inextricably linked with his career, David has leaped from the professional world to the missionary world and now to a free-form world of following his dreams and passions towards his callings. Waking up each day without a job assignment or defined parameters around his time has allowed him to grow in the area of discipline and focus. I can truly say that David has become secure in his identity as a child of the Living God and in his identity as a unique and gifted individual. He provides daily for our family in the areas of finance through the storehouses he carefully built earlier in his life. Now he has the opportunity to pursue a different season. Most people in our lives here in California do not know Davids work history or degrees. But they instantly recognize his caliber. He has become comfortable being so much more than a strong leader and brilliant thinker. Now he can be that and more. His dreams are not selfish dreams but beautiful ones. Daily he takes time to walk deeper into the mystery that is me :) and to honor my heart and our marriage. Daily he grows in his communication with God, his ability to hear Gods voice and to partner his heart with Gods. Daily he grows in his desire to take risks, to follow hard after our hearts desires, and to live in the uncertainty of the moment with grace. I learn constantly from his integrity, his steadfastness, his perseverance, and his refusal to be afraid of men. He teaches me what courage looks like.

His three names mean Beloved, Strong Ruler, and Rock.

He is deeply Beloved. He has always been a strong leader. And best of all, he is firmly planted on the Rock.

Love you, Bunny-luv.

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Happy 9th birthday to Quinn!

Our joyful, strong, tender, kind, social, thoughtful son turned nine on Monday.

Quinn is a rare soul. His mind so complex that it frustrates him sometimes. He tells us that the thought patterns in his brain (he tried to draw them) are so many and so layered that he can not possibly show them on paper. I believe him. As I watch him process the world I can barely keep up. My mind does not go where his does. He is extraordinary in that brain – skilled to problem and puzzle solve, to connect the pieces in new and innovative ways. He always asks why? Why not? Why couldn’t we? He thinks of new ways to do things. He will change the world.

He comes with us into meetings, sermons, and classes and he listens hard, as he sketches the time away, drawing cartoons soldiers and guns in his notebook. Later he asks questions, makes comments, shares his impressions of the speakers. He is always observing, always thinking, always aware. His discernment always switched to on. He does not hesitate to let us know when a situation does not “feel” right to him.

He loves guns,warfare, and stratagizing and spends hours wandering the townhouse complex where we live, imagining out battles in his head. A broom handle serves him well as a weapon, alongside his many toy guns and swords. This year he has learned a little of the horror of real war. But this does not stop him from building up the beauty of his warrior spirit. I read to him, an adult book about the training of a Navy Seal. He listens, fascinated, taking it all in. In his mind, he asks and answers all the time, “do I have what it takes?”.

Dressed in his new gi (martial art clothing), he practices kajukenbo moves with speed, precision and strength. This boy is solid, all muscle and dimple.. He is learning to carry his strength with honor. These days he rarely hits or pushes his sister anymore. He uses strong and powerful words – words that sometimes dismay me. He is growing in his self control.

Quinn is a cuddler, his love language touch. Homeschooling allows us the joy, this year, of “cuddle math” and long hours curled up reading together. He scrunches up close during church and loves to lay in bed with either of us during story time. Each kiss goodbye as I leave for an errand is an opportunity for him to add in an enthusiastic hug and “I LOVE you mom!” He and his daddy spend hours on the couch together, immersed in cartoon books, science books, history books, and books on weaponry and warfare.

He still does not choose to read chapter books for fun . . . though he is just beginning to take off in that way. He spends a great deal of his time reading reference books, scouring picture details of architecture and history. He flies through manga comic books and Tin Tins and Hardy Boys.

Quinn is a social guy, the most social of us all. His longings center around contacts with friends, be they neighborhood kids, school friends or long-distance friends on Skype. Once together they run and roughhouse throughout the house and yard, playing with small action figures or against imaginary foes. Each body noise an opportunity for laughter. They tell each other jokes and stories and arrive briefly at the kitchen table to devour huge amounts of food before heading back out for more fun.

Quinn has dreams of scaling El Capitan, a giant rock face in Yellowstone. He wants to start by bouldering this year. He dreams of seeing the day sickle cell is eradicated and believes with fervor that the healing can start with his small friend Nancy, in Bundibugyo. He wants to fly (with or without an airplane.) He can not decide from day to day what to be when he grows up, but most days he says he will be an inventor – actually he already is. He does not want to work for money, but for passion. He asked me recently, “how many weeks do you have to work for the Navy before you can get a pension?”

His cat, Soloman, is his new best buddy. Man-Man wakes Quinn each morning and they play comical games all day, both enjoying acrobatics and laughter. Fortunately Soloman is a snuggler too and they enjoy movies and computer time together each day.

I find Quinn hard to describe this year. It’s become hard to wrap into words the wonder of this boy-man growing . . . . this person coming alive. This spirit only somewhat represented by the skin and behaviors he wears today. We have the gift of another beautiful year together. Another year to learn who He is in him. And to watch and nurture and bless that becoming.

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the spices of life

The kids have been sick for a few days now, just the gentle sickness of fall and school starting; mildly uncomfortable and reasonably fun. I isolate myself in the house with them as low fevers ebb and flow and tummies and heads ache and keep them near their beds. I bring chaomomile tea with real maple syrup sweetener and glass upon glass of lemon water. We indulge in root beer for our tummies and pizza to go when we feel like eating. We read endless stories together, watch netflix much more than usual and in-between, of course, they must imagine as best as their sick bodies can manage. What are books and shows for if not to stimulate their endless pretendings. . . . .

Tonight all are feeling better and we rallied to cook dinner together. Chilli, by Quinn’s request, with beautiful mild chile peppers, pinto beans and beef. Naomi and Quinn’s favorite part of cooking in the seasoning. Once I pull out the spices they both magically appear by the stove, arguing enthusiastically over who will get to add the curry (the spice of the month around here!) to whatever we are cooking. ( I have been surprised to find how much curry adds to many, many dishes. Curry chili is very good as is curried homemade chicken noodle soup – our new standby dinner! ) After seasoning, I pull out yogurt and fresh cilantro from the fridge while Naomi sets the table super-pretty, as she always does. We add garnish to each bowl of soup and bring to the table David’s whole wheat cornbread straight from the oven. David and I are instructed to wait in the hallway to appear for dinner at the restaurant (we decide to name it “Hot Mama’s”). We kiss in the hallway while waiting and walk hand-in-hand into the “restaurant” where Quinn shows us to our seats and Naomi pours our drinks. As our delicious meal is devoured the kids get up to take periodic “bathroom” breaks from the table during which they reappear as waiters to serve us.

After such an amazing evening we cannot help but tip our kind staff . . . . they are amazed and delighted when a few crisp dollar bills show up on the table as they come back to clear! David and I watch with glee from the couch – how fun to bring such joy into each others lives through the simple acts of service and imagination.

I wash up while David reads an amazing library book find, The Story of Salt, which has us all surprised and enlightened. Lively discussion continues as we all head up for early bedtime.

Not every evening is nearly so perfect but each one special and beautiful if we can only stop to remember gratitude, sense joy, add our own quick creativity and most of all, do life together.

And a side note . . . . I do think it’s wonderful to pamper sick children. Our kids almost look forward to being sick because of all the extra fun and comfort. And I think that’s just how it should be.

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2nd generation

When our kids’ education comes up, we explain that we have one at Bethel Christian who is thriving and loving it there . . . and that we have one at home who is also loving his “school” environment. “Home school?”, people question. “How do you know if you’re doing it right? Are you in one of those programs?”

Smile. Here in Northern California, charter school initiatives have made big changes in homeschooling. State run home school charters offer free curriculum along with supervision, grading and frequent visits. One popular local option also offers $100/month in “vendor money”, which can be used towards approved lessons in sports or music. Computers and printers are also bennies of the charter home school option. Of course there are worksheets and deadlines included.

The money was tempting but, it’s not for us. Not now. We’re homeschooling because we want the freedom to make learning fun for our son. We want him to have extra time to move and roam and hike and bike. We want him to engage productively with technology he enjoys. We want him to focus in on both his greatest strengths as well as his areas of greatest weakness so that he can grow quickly and easily in both. Homeschooling offers us the opportunity to tailor education completely to our child, at the high cost of our time and energy. And given his current needs and desires, it’s so worth it!

So when people ask us what program we’re using, I just smile. “I was home schooled, so I’m pretty comfortable with it”, I say. And then wait. Wait for either the big smile and exclamation of surprise and encouragement, or the knowing . . . . “oh.” I guess I find out in that moment whether they think I was an experiment worth repeating in the second generation.

Fortunately I picked up self-confidence and a healthy dose of independence somewhere along the way. :)

Posted in Family, Learning, Purposeful Living | 1 Comment

Treasure

I have always wanted a typewriter. A little yellow portable fully manual one to be exact. I don’t even know if such a typewriter exists or has ever existed. But nevertheless it is something that sits, gracefully, in the dream studio of my heart.

I even put “typewriter” on my dreams list just for fun.

And today, as I stopped at a yard sale just ’round the corner for 24 mason jars at 10 cents each (beautiful old ones with gorgeous designs and letterings!) I found another Treasure.

A beautiful little Remington Quiet-Riter Eleven typewriter. Definitely not yellow but fully manual and pretty portable for an item made mostly of metal! Two dollars later and I had carried it home, inspired by this mom to introduce the typewriter to my kids as part of their everyday enjoyment. This is SO my style!

And so this afternoon turned into an extraordinary writing time . . . . and as I type I can hear the heavy keys CLUNK-ing from where Quinn is tucked undercovers with the Remington on his lap, still typing . . . . .

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Dinner conversation

My dreams list includes long, lingering family dinners . . . . right now we have great meals that we tend to rush through cause we’re hungry and full of energy and activity! I have also noticed that many times David and I forget to take the time to invite interesting conversation that holds our kids attention around the table.

But one of our favorite evening rituals is to ask David, “what were the headlines today?” David is an avid news reader and thinks deeply about current events within the context of his surprisingly large knowledge of political, geographical and historical events and places. We all enjoy hearing him recount the top news of the day along with commentary usually brought on by me and the kids throwing questions at him hard and fast! I learn lots every day!

I also love to bring up images I have seen online. Last night we talked for a while about this one, and about welfare, medicare and debt. And a few days ago we viewed and discuss a photo journal of the five most dangerous places in the world for women to live . . . discussed burkas and riot police and carefully skipped over a few pictures of death and dismemberment. The last few days we have avidly discussed the North Korean plight and how much 150 calories a day really is, segmenting the small portion of our plate that represents how much North Koreans are rationed to right now. Sad and hard but also true and necessary. We have talked about the Somalian crisis (as seen in the NY Times) and about God’s promises to rescue captives and our involvement through intercession.

And tonight I have no doubt we’ll be looking through these photos, and talking, once again.

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Naomi in Lavender Heaven

This picture is for my mom who sent me the link to this lavender farm almost a year ago. The farm is about an hour from our home, nestled gorgeously just in front of Mount Shasta, one of our two daily mountain views. It is a slice of heaven; humming bees drunk with delight, the amazing aroma of lavender all around and row after row of purple beauty. The couple who owns this farm live and work in the French inspired chateau which faces the fields and mountains. For six weeks in summer as the lavender enters high bloom, they move out and turn it into a gallery and showroom where they serve up free lavender lemonade and sell you-pick lavender for $4/100 stems. We spent almost two hours there, nearly as drunk as the bees with delight. Quinn ran the lavender labyrinth and we enjoyed a marvelous picnic at one of their shaded tables. Joy!

Posted in Beauty, Gratitude, Other, rest, things I love | 2 Comments