Three months in.

It’s been the longest three months since we first saw your face, since you first stumble-tripped into our lives with the fakest somber face I ever saw, there in that Civil Affairs office in central Nanning.

Three short months since you first started to hug me.  Three months since I saw how your eyes sparkle when you see something you love.  Only three months since I first laid eyes on your big flat feet and your scarred-up skinny little legs.

And I’m crazy about you.  Crazy for the look on your face when you see me down the school hallway after a morning away from each other.  Crazy about the slow smile that lights your face and crazy about the way you throw yourself into my arms.

It does something funny to my heart. You do something funny to my heart.

And I  will never forget the way I cried silent tears as you raged on your bed this week, three months in.  The screams you screamed.  The roars you roared.  The way your heart bled against the white covers and the way you worked so hard not to hurt anyone or anything.

You are so brave.

Thank you for sharing your story with me.  Thank you for telling me the scariest things you know about yourself.

We’re three months in to this life long journey and we’re both tired and heart broken and more than a little excited and totally scared.  It’s more than any of us can handle but it’s happening anyway. We’re finding hope and we’re stumbling, broken, into joy and we’re trying to do the things we fear the most but we’re not always succeeding.

Every day I trust again.  Every day you trust again.  Somehow, together, we’ll find the way.  I just know it.

I love you, my Tiger Baby.  My little Lion Man.

I love you so much it hurts.

 

 

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